“Still the One” “Dammit” “I Miss You”
This section is going to make me incredibly sad to write. This part is dedicated to Cliodhna. I’ve seriously never met a girl that I’ve felt more emotion for in all my life. In my time, I’ve liked plenty of girls, I’ve had crushes, I’ve had relationships, but nothing was/is/probably will be like what I had with Clio. Pronounced “Kuh-lane-uh,” I met her on an iTouch application called “TapTapRevenge,” a music game like Guitar Hero that had a chat area.
One day, 5 days after my 17th birthday, we met on the chat rooms to this iTouch game, I’d been talking about how I’d just got done playing guitar with a bunch of people at school. She started talking to me, talking about playing bass, and her favorite bands and such, and we eventually turned it into an everyday thing. One thing that always confused me was, if I got home late, or went on after a certain time, she would be nowhere to be found.
Turns out, Miss. Cliodhna lived in the United Kingdom, in Northern Ireland. Some time away from Belfast, she’d send me funny pictures of silly billboards posted around town and other places she’d been on “holiday,” or vacation. It sucked because for almost 2 weeks since we started talking, I’d only seen the back of her head in a picture. On April 1st, we talked about, and started dating. This would turn out to be incredibly ironic, given our anniversary would be April 1st, and our relationship turned out being nothing but a big joke; but I digress. It was comfortable, even though she lived on the other side of the world, and I got to learn a lot about a different country. My vocabulary also grew, and I learned and began saying things that those in the U.S. aren’t used to hearing often.
Perhaps one of my favorite things about Clio was how she always made it seem like she wanted me to remain happy. With all my other girlfriends, Cliodhna was the one who always took the time to make sure I was just as happy as she was when we talked. Whenever Jack Black or the Foo Fighters were on a television show (like Jonathan Ross, a British talk show,) she’d always ecstatically tell me about it, knowing how happy it’d make me to hear about it. Aside from television, whenever a band I liked was going on tour again, or was going to play a set anywhere near Belfast, I’d be the first to know because of her.
It’s not to say we didn’t have problems. Because I lived in New York and she lived in Ireland, there was a 7 hour time difference. This caused overwhelming problems at first, but we eventually learned to cope with them. Cliodhna went out shopping with her “mum” one day and managed to get a webcam, so I got to speak with her during vacation quite often. But it was strained, because when it was 1 PM here in the U.S., it was getting to be around 6 PM in the U.K. Other problems were things such as my paranoia: the constant fear that at any moment, she was going to leave me. Eventually, after 6 months, those fears became real. Although we were together 9 months, the last 3 were incredibly difficult. We hardly spoke, and I often feared what had happened to her. Eventually I spoke with her older cousin, and he said he’d seen her at a Green Day concert, and that she was okay.
Turns out, after her parents got divorced, she went to live with her mother and became jaded. She started taking from life everything she could with a new sense of self-entitlement. No longer was it necessary for me or any other person to commit themselves to making her happy, since she was going out and taking all the happiness she could for herself. After she ditched me without explanation, Cliodhna started cursing, and posting provocative things on Twitter, talking about drinking and disrespecting her family. Since she went to live with her mother, she’d left her father’s side in the dark. Her grandma, “grams,” hasn’t heard from her in months, and she’s grown to be very ill. Her cousin Sean and I cannot and may not ever think of why she’s doing this to any of us, but it’s her life and we can’t change this.
Since we never really had hardships, and I never got a true explanation as to why she left me alone with no warning, I could never grow to resent or dislike Cliodhna like my other ex’s. In fact, because of there being no explanation towards anything, I still harbor a bit of love for the girl from Belfast, Ireland. But, all this love is useless as it has no place to go, and no reason for remaining.
Side Note: I’ve since talked to Cliodhna. She explained to me that the reason for leaving me was… no reason. She simply left me and didn’t want to tell me about it. Cliodhna also went on to say that in the months that she’s been gone, she started dating a new guy. She then told me that she’d had sex with this kid, which absolutely destroyed me inside. Cliodhna: the 14 year old girl I’d fallen in love with, had not only left me on a whim, but had also started having sex… It’s my own fault for wanting answers from her; if I’d just gotten over her instead of demanding to know why she left, I’d never be this broken right now. I’m so saddened. So hurt.
Side Note 2: Since I’ve found out this information, instead of writhing on the past, I’ve grown to forgive Cliodhna. Although she has troubles forgiving herself, because she still claims I’m the greatest thing to ever happen to her, neither of us can let each other go. Even though the person I’ve been interested in lately is closer geographically, Clio and I have a history that can’t be forgotten. We recently expressed our lasting love for each other earlier, but where things go from here is out of my hands. Who knows? Life’s tricky like that.
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