There’s only one more person I’m going to discuss in this section, because out of all of them, this one deserves probably her own book, let alone her own mini-chapter. America Online’s Instant Messaging feature has gotten me into some pretty tight situations in the past; whether it be Misty hate-messaging me with a trillion different names after I’d blocked her on my list, to just simply losing friends in conversations that would only take place over instant messaging. But of all the things that have happened because of AIM, this is and will always be the greatest.
Ashley. That name alone is a word to me, synonymous with “Best friend,” “adorable,” and obviously, “love.” I’ve known this girl for about five years now, and it’s incredibly weird to think this, because when we met, that would make me 13, not even a freshman yet. Even stranger, this would make her about 9. Before you, the reader, starts drawing conclusions about me being a pedophile, let me trace back out meeting.
One random night online, I was talking to a friend of mine. I’d said something that she thought was awesome, so she copied and pasted it in her “About Me” section of her AIM profile, using my Screen name. A few days later, I got an Instant Message from someone, I didn’t know who they were, but I’m always interested in meeting people who have yet to hate me, so I began talking with them. She’d told me that my name had suddenly appeared on her Buddy List (a lie I’d later use with Misty) and that she just wanted to know who I was. I was more than willing to get to know her.
As time continued, I began to learn more about her; things I’d initially be horrified by, and then grow accustomed to, and later still be infatuated by. This is a girl, who at around 9 years old, was faced with horrible circumstances, some of which I also could relate to. She was a scared little girl, constantly in fear of her surroundings. Ashley faced sexual harassment, long walks home alone, and people around her that made her feel inadequate. Although I always offered to be there for her, she and I both knew that realistically there was nothing a 13 or 14 year old could do to aid her.
Age also played a part in our relationship, usually in a negative way, though. The first spurt of friendship we had ended after Ashley and her friend taunted me about having feelings for her, in which I, trying to salvage some pride, simply walked out of the friendship instead of taking ridicule. Because she was only 9 or 10 at the time, I truly couldn’t hold her behavior against her, regardless of how mature she was for her age. Our second attempt at friendship was thwarted when a double-standard between me and other guys grew apparent. With my feelings crushed, I again walked out of things before losing too much of what myself knew to be a good memory.
Our last attempt at friendship, however, is one sure to last as long as we need it to. Never on Earth have I realized how much I’d taken for granted in a friendship or relationship. There are certain things you feel when you have a friendship with someone, but as it turns out; this grows even more powerful after almost six years. Ashley had kept me from attempting suicide countless times, back when it was simply a hobby for me. I’d also like to think I kept her out of a bad situation or two, but in our attempts, I think she’d only completely relied on me this last attempt of friendship.
Now, it seems, we need each other. If it weren’t for Ashley, I’d probably be dead, whether physically or emotionally. I’d always called her my “Angel,” simply because she gave me a reason for living when no one or nothing else did. That’s still true even ‘til today; whenever things at home suck, when people are treating me unlike they should, when I feel as if there’s no reason to keep going, there’s Ashley. It’s a nice thing to know that when nothing else is going the right way, there’s always someone out there for you to relate with and share the pain.
Love. That’s played a major part in what Ashley and I have. It caused us to stop talking early in our friendship because of my being taunted for having feelings for Ashley, simply because I enjoyed her company. The second time, I’d quit talking to Ashley out of jealousy of her with other guys and things of the like. The third time though, I think both of us had a massive realization. By this time, we’d both been put through hell both family-wise and friend-wise. We were both social misfits, and both felt as though we were completely alone, even within our group of friends.
But, what we lacked with others, we made up for with each other. She’s the only girl I’ve told I loved multiple times and have meant it every time. Even more so, she’s the only girl I’ve ever been told I was loved by, aside from Cliodhna, who I believed. Ashley will always be my angel, because I’ll always need one. I fear a day that I lose Ashley for good, and hope it never comes. I depend on her for life, she’s one of the greatest things in this universe to me, and I always want her around. I’m sure Ashley feels the same way, mostly because she’s constantly trying to say she loves me more than I love her, which will always be false.
As it turns out, society hates this, though. Whenever two people love each other, society either wants them to say they’re in a relationship, or to shut the fuck up. Sadly, Ashley and I refuse to do both, and it’s not to mess with society. Our love is better than any relationship could amount to, and unfortunately for society, we truly don’t need the label. I asked Ashley to emotionally marry me, and she agreed, and it made me one of the happiest people on Earth. It’s silly, because we weren’t truly married, but it was fun to think that we were emotionally connected enough to think of such a thing, and brag to people about our love for each other.
Who knows where life will take either of us. I hope that no matter what, even if we separate again, that the universe somehow brings us together again after a while. I’ll always remember and love Ashley Agnew; as a friend, as family, and as a girl. No matter what, she’s now a part of my history, and no matter what, she’ll always be a part of my life. More accurately, Ashley’s always going to be a part of my heart.
Side Note: Yeah, we crashed and burned again. Ironic, but life happens like that. Hope and faith can only be stretched as far as reality.
No comments:
Post a Comment